Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Shorty...

Just had another scan this morning where the nurse practitioner measured Mikka. Everything looks good naman daw. Kaso what alarmed me was when she mentioned that Mikka's legs are a bit shorter than the average. I freaked out!!!

My biggest fear, even before I got pregnant, is to have a baby that is not "normal". I always think that I'd rather not have a kid than have one that have "issues". Primarily because I just don't know how to deal with it and I don't want to find out how.

Pinaka-natatakot ako is kung merong down or merong some sort of skeletal dysplasia si baby (dwarfism or something). Well, thank goodness yung mga screens naman before clear naman sa down syndrome. Tas yung mga previous measurement sa kanya, oks naman. So I wasn't worried at all.

The nurse practicioner assured me naman na there's nothing to worry about. But still at the back of my head, e pano kung meron? What if sign pala yung ng dwarfism? Waaaah!!

I just hang up the phone and was talking to my mom. She told me that I shouldn't worry about it. Babatukan daw nya ko kasi parang wala daw akong tiwala kay Lord. Susmio, I put all my trust in Him. Kaso lamu naman si Lord, pwede ka nyang i-test ng todo-todo. At this time when it comes to my baby, baka di ko makaya kasi yun talga ang fear ko ever - having a "special" kid. Well, not that every kid is not special - they're all blessings... but you know what I was trying to say, right?

I hope I didn't offend anybody about my post. I have a lot of respect to the parents and families of special children for being so strong for these kids. The issue is more about me. I just don't know how to handle it and I wouldn't want to dare to find out. What if I end up loving my dogs more than my own baby? What if I end up resenting her because she's not normal? If something's wrong with her, I'd feel like a total failure for bringing her to this harsh world and that I wouldn't be able to promise her a normal life. Worst feeling is that you can't do anything to protect your baby from the world's cruelty...

Goodness. I really hope kaya shorter yung legs ni baby for her gestational age is because both me and hubby are also shorties. God please, please please, all I ask is a healthy, normal, happy bouncing baby....

3 comments:

Gracie said...

berns, i understand your worries because i think every parent-to-be has all those worries, too. but you shouldn't be worried that much. i'm sure it will all be ok & Mikka is going to be a normal, healthy baby.

Crinklynose said...

thanks sis :o) got back to my senses na. dali ko lang kasi talga mag panic when it comes to situations i didn't have any control of...

anyhoo, how's pregnancy coming along?

ako, lapit na. 33 weeks, how time flies!!!

take care dearie!

popcorn said...

Don't worry, just pray that all will be okay. :)

 

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