Friday, January 30, 2009

Smelling The Roses...

Obviously, I've been really tied up with a lot of stuff at work and at home for the past few months that I neglected my blog already :o(

Well, I'm exhausted... and today, I decided to just stop and not think of anything else, let my brain to slow down a bit.

I thought I'd bond with my baby as I sit on the glider and gently rocked myself and my big belly. I was staring at the entire room, my my my... I guess we've come far along to get the nursery ready for our Anikka.


I looked around while I tried to remember what the room used to look like... and then I saw this...


It hit me to the core... that the only one missing is a baby in the crib. That in about 5 weeks from now, she's going to lie down here wrapped with this soft, warm, swaddler...

Wow, I'm going to be a mom in a few weeks - the most selfless "profession" in the entire world!!! Exciting but very overwhelming at the same time...

Thank God, I was able to savor this short "pause time" and recon how lucky I am that I have everything else that I need... it's just so worth it to slow down and smell the roses at times...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Shorty...

Just had another scan this morning where the nurse practitioner measured Mikka. Everything looks good naman daw. Kaso what alarmed me was when she mentioned that Mikka's legs are a bit shorter than the average. I freaked out!!!

My biggest fear, even before I got pregnant, is to have a baby that is not "normal". I always think that I'd rather not have a kid than have one that have "issues". Primarily because I just don't know how to deal with it and I don't want to find out how.

Pinaka-natatakot ako is kung merong down or merong some sort of skeletal dysplasia si baby (dwarfism or something). Well, thank goodness yung mga screens naman before clear naman sa down syndrome. Tas yung mga previous measurement sa kanya, oks naman. So I wasn't worried at all.

The nurse practicioner assured me naman na there's nothing to worry about. But still at the back of my head, e pano kung meron? What if sign pala yung ng dwarfism? Waaaah!!

I just hang up the phone and was talking to my mom. She told me that I shouldn't worry about it. Babatukan daw nya ko kasi parang wala daw akong tiwala kay Lord. Susmio, I put all my trust in Him. Kaso lamu naman si Lord, pwede ka nyang i-test ng todo-todo. At this time when it comes to my baby, baka di ko makaya kasi yun talga ang fear ko ever - having a "special" kid. Well, not that every kid is not special - they're all blessings... but you know what I was trying to say, right?

I hope I didn't offend anybody about my post. I have a lot of respect to the parents and families of special children for being so strong for these kids. The issue is more about me. I just don't know how to handle it and I wouldn't want to dare to find out. What if I end up loving my dogs more than my own baby? What if I end up resenting her because she's not normal? If something's wrong with her, I'd feel like a total failure for bringing her to this harsh world and that I wouldn't be able to promise her a normal life. Worst feeling is that you can't do anything to protect your baby from the world's cruelty...

Goodness. I really hope kaya shorter yung legs ni baby for her gestational age is because both me and hubby are also shorties. God please, please please, all I ask is a healthy, normal, happy bouncing baby....
 

Desenvolvido por EMPORIUM DIGITAL