Friday, September 5, 2008

Worries

It's 4am and I woke up finding myself crying. I dunno, suddenly, I feel so overwhelmed with things going on with my pregnancy and the responsibilities that come with it. I feel so scared, so unprepared. There's just so many things we have to think of. I'm scared that we would miss something and fail miserably on our new role as parents.

So just to get it out of my system, I just want to babble about the things that are running on my mind that makes me worry a lot. So here goes... in no particular order:

1) Unlike other couples I know, hubby and I are far from our respective families. So I feel like we have to face the challenges of being new parents on our own, with no guidance nor help from them. Plus we don't have that much friends around as well. I'm scared that nobody's going to be here to help us when the baby comes. No maids to do household chores, no yaya's, no lolos and lolas to help us at all. Plus it's stressing me out that me and my mom had a huge fight a few weeks ago and we haven't really settled our differences just yet (I'm going to blog more about this in another entry). Basta bottomline, hubby and I wouldn't be able to count on our respective families to help us out. We're on our own, pretty much. This really makes me sad sad sad.

2) The other day we went to Babies R Us just to kinda get a feel on what are the basic things we and our baby would be needing. Just so we can plan ahead how much we should be saving up so we can buy them before the baby comes - and they're definitely not cheap. Some friends were able to survive with hand-me-downs, which I wouldn't mind as well. However, as what I've mentioned, we don't have our families with us and we only have a few friends so I don't think there's anybody who would be able to share their old baby stuff with us. That means, we just really have to plan to buy everything the baby needs.

3) It's hard to survive here with just 1 income. Both hubby and I have to work so we can pay off the bills, etc. Even if I am entitled for a 6-week maternity leave, my employer would only cover 65% of my salary. You see, my salary is divided to pay off the mortgage, the rest goes to our retirement savings and home improvement budget. That means we have to figure out a way to cover for the 35% that we would be losing when I take my maternity leave. And oh, day care is uber expensive. Last time I checked, it's about $200 a week and could be more expensive for babies less than 6 months old. Plus the fact that I know it's not going to be easy to just let some stranger from day care to take care of our baby, I mean, come on... I was raised having my mom taking care of me and my siblings. I really would love to be a SAHM for a few months and be able to breastfeed but by looking at our current situation, it's very unlikely we could afford for me to stay at home longer than I would have wanted to. I really think that moms & moms-to-be who have a choice to stay at home and could afford it are very very very lucky and blessed.

4) What if there's something wrong with our baby (God forbid) when he/she comes? How would I be able to handle that? Would I be able to accept and love our baby as he/she deserves despite of his/her fate? Am I ready for this kind of challenge? (Oh God, please please please, bless us all expecting mothers to have normal, healthy babies, please Jesus).

5) How are we going to take care of our baby and our 2 dogs????? I'm worried that I wouldn't be able to give them the love and attention they need. When the baby comes, I know I still gotta to walk them plus I would breastfeed and pump milk during the day, plus I have to go to work!!!!!! And no, we are not going to give up our dogs because when we adopted them, we've made a commitment to take care of them thru their lifetime. Would I be able to balance all these responsibilities? What about my role as a wife?

6) Hubby is just sooo cool and very laid back with everything and it irritates the heck out of me. No, I don't want him to panic but I just feel that I plan things ahead more than he does and I hate it!!!!


Haaaaayyyyy.... I guess I just have to have more Faith... I wonder if I'm just making a big fuss out of all these...

5 comments:

Gracie said...

hi sweetie!
naku, what's there to worry, my dear? you are blessed with a beautiful gift, and i'm sure you'll do just fine. God gave you the chance to be parents now because He feels you're ready. don't worry too much! mararamdaman din ni baby ang worries mo. it's good din that your hubby is pretty cool - at least may balance. imagine na lang kung parehas kayong worried, paano na?
i pray na hormones lang yan. worry not...God will provide so keep that Faith burning bright.
hugs!

aslee nino said...

halow! i'll be leaving for the US on sept.15. i'll be staying with friends in LA then will report to my sponsor in NJ. just in case i drop by arizona, i'll let u know. *wink* take care on ur pregnancy. =)

Pollyana said...

Financially, it's an adjustment. You'll just have to put your baby stuff as part of budget, maybe the retirement and home reno share would have to adjust a bit. You'll have more than enough time to build a nest egg anyway. Just think of what joy the baby could bring to you and your husband. As to doing everything by yourselves, trust me, you'll get the hang of it. We did.

darly said...

I was exactly like that a month before i delivered. But whenever m on the verge of worrying, i always go back to the cross and cast all my cares to Him.
God bless you!!!

Crinklynose said...

gals, thank you soooo much for the overwhelming words of wisdom and encouragement. i really really appreciate it.

gracie dearie, you're sooo right. how could i overlook the fact that having a baby is such a blessing? my fears took over my sensible side and missed the positive things about pregnancy. thanks gf!

aslee, hey girl.. sure, when you get a chance to swing by az, pls drop me a note. maybe we can meet up :o) anyhoo, enjoy your trip ok? be safe!

polskie! how are you missie? i saw from friendster that you just had a little girl!! wow, ang swerte, 1 boy and 1 girl na agad!!! thanks for the advice talga, i think there was a gushing stream of unbalanced hormones that got into me that day kaya super depressed ako. but i'm all good now. thanks again for your advice, nakakalakas ng loob :o) btw, ang cutie ni DS mo ha, pati si DD, kamuka mo sobra :o)

hello darly,
welcome back to blogging world! so having a kid took your time as well, huh? but i'm sure she's the source of your joy now. thanks for taking your time to post pieces of advice for the freaking-out-mommy-to-be in me, heheheee. really appreciate it! enjoy motherhood. i'll swing by your blog to check on how you're doing as well. take care!!!

 

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