Friday, March 28, 2008

No Longer A Priority...

Today's our 3rd civil wedding anniversary. For the past few years, we try to do something a bit different and oftentimes hubby would go out of his way to surprise me...

But today was totally whacked-out. I waited and waited and waited - only to find out that we didn't have plans for today. No cards or e-cards from him either. To sum it all up, he didn't invest any time to plan for something "memorable".

I know he loves me, still tries to make me smile everyday, gives me endless hugs & kisses and words of affirmation, makes sure I have a cuppa water by the bed at night, etc etc. I guess that's what's important. But to give a relationship that added "oooommppph", sometimes special days like your ANNIVERSARY "requires" a tad bit of extra effort to keep the sparks flying all over, right? I mean, doing something different apart from your daily routine is not a bad idea. Am I right? Or am I right?

So I asked him where my card is. He said he didn't have one for me. That he didn't have time to get one. Whoah! I've seen him spend countless hours in front of his computer every night to update his smartphone with some software. I've seen him spend time surfing the web for all his gadget stuff and he's telling me he didn't have time to get me a card or send me even one of those free e-cards? On our anniversary???????????????

In fairness he asked me if I wanted to go to Dave & Busters since we both love to play all those kiddo-at-heart games. But still I know it's something he just have thought of like maybe this morning, not something that he "planned", you know what I mean? Where is the effort??????

I was busy too... but heck, I managed to get hold of this guy from Timbuktu just to get you this collectors edition of this cartoon series I know you'd love to have. It's something I've put extra effort onto because seeing your eyes shine with excitement the moment you open the box is heaven to me. I searched through countless cards as well as e-cards just to find the perfect one to send you - not just something I randomly picked. I went to look for the same wedding cake we had when we first got married (though I didn't get to find one) but the point is, I went out there to look for it.

Gone are the days when months ahead, he would already tell me to keep my calendar open since he planned something for us. Gone are the days when he would text me out of the blue with sweet lyrics he just heard from the radio. Gone are the days when he would just surprise me with flowers even if there's no occasion.

Whatever happened? Maybe because I got demoted from being a girlfriend to just being a wife and that no matter what he does, I'd still be his wife. Whereas being a girlfriend, requires more effort because I can just break up with him anytime when he messes up so the "challenge" to win me is still there. So maybe I don't challenge him enough. Maybe I'm being too nice. Maybe I need to shift my thinking a bit.

So did I talk to hubby about it? Nope. He didn't have any idea how I felt at all. I thought I'd sleep on it until I forget about it the next day. I'm sure I'd be fine and the "tampuputs" would be over soon. It's just hard to fathom that for the first time in our married life, I didn't see him as excited over our anniversary.

Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of it, who knows? Could it be that I'm just menstrual, possibly. One thing's for sure though - my heart aches with sadness. I feel that I'm no longer his priority anymore :o(

chewy's sad for mummie as well


Gracie said...

my heart goes out to you, Berns. i guess men are generally like that. the point about being a his wife now as opposed to being his former gf is absolutely correct. i’ve raised the same issue with hubby before, and he said it’s because he doesn’t see the need to impress me anymore. it’s not about making a good impression di ba? it’s about making your partner feel special pa rin. haaay!!

we also had a very looonnnggg argument during our civil wedding anniversary last jan. (long story!) we ended up canceling our plans (which i initiated!!), to which up to this day i couldn’t get over with. ‘pag naaalala ko, i still feel sad. *sniff*

but i hope you won’t feel that you’re no longer his priority. he may be not as expressive as he used to be, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t prioritize you. he could be showing it to you in other ways.

have a good week, darling! hugs!

QT said...

i share your sentiments (as with gracie). us pa nga, we'll be celebrating our 10th year anniv, kahit bg-gf pa un, for me it's special kasi one decade of knowing each other is a big thing. kaya lang he's not planning anything special. and knowing him, he's not into surprises kaya, sad din ako. pero siguro the important thing is, we're with the ones we love. the special treats are just icing on the cake.

pero really, treats would have been very much appreciated! hahaha!

ruther said...

ganun yata talaga mga lalaki. hubby is also like that sometimes (though wala namang occasion to celebrate and yet, I am expecting for something to happen) siguro nasanay lang tau na iba ung treatment when we were still gf-bf. there's the extra effort.i'ms ure babawi si hubby mo sau.

Mec said...

PMS!!! PMS!!!

Kidding sis... I feel for you and can very well relate. I am still waiting for 2 valentines and 2 anniversaries and 2 wedding anniversaries-worth of celebration from my husband myself... aside from Christmas ha?

and syempre, though there is the everyday loving and sweetness that really make us feel secure in our marriage... kailangan yung celebrations like that are celebrated talaga :) minsan na nga lang eh!!!

wives unite! hahahaha...

but I guess iba na nga talaga pag mag-asawa na... so ako talagang binabawi ko sa monthly birthdays ni Yakee...all out gastos sa cake and stuff :D

Crinklynose said...

super thanks mga gals!! ewan ko ba naman sa mga guys... hanggang ngayon medyo tampururuts pa rin ako ng konti, but im getting over it.

he read my entry last sunday and he gave me his reasons:
1) "don't i go home every day instead of hanging out with friends after work just to be with you?"
2) "don't i pick up the dogs' poop because i know you hate doing it?"
3) etc etc etc...

o diba, na touch naman ang lola. hay, ang dali ko talga mabola, hehee.

tc gals! appreciate all the words of comfort.

hugs always!


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