Saturday, February 3, 2007

On Retaliating

I never realized until last week that part of being married means I just can't easily RETALIATE as I used to everytime things dont go my way. Ouch.

One morning, sweeps called me up as soon as he got to school to inform me that he got there safely. When he said the "L" word, for some reason, it didnt sound to me like he meant it. That moment it felt that he just said it without meaning it, kinda like a routinary "I love you" thing. With my sweetest voice on the other end of the phone, I asked him if he can repeat it... with "feelings". I know... girls girls girls...

I was caught off guard with his response actually... I was not expecting his "I AM GOING TO CLASS NOW!" - I got the shock of my life. It maybe too trivial for other couples but to me it's something I didnt expect from him. It's so uncalled for. Usually, he'd appreciate me being a bit loveydovey. Man, I was just trying to be sweet and what did I get? Na-ah. I can't allow this to happen. He cannot treat me like that just because I'm his wife now... nope nope nope!

Next thing I remembered I was packing my gym bag so I can go straight to the gym after work. I wouldn't want to come back home until maybe super late that he's super worried on my whereabouts. I flipped over each and every picture frame we had on display, I didnt wear my rings and left them on the counter (purposedly so he would see them when we comes back home) and I turned off my cellphone the whole day so he wouldnt get a hold of me. HAH! I know this would clearly tell him that I'm fuming mad at him.

It was pretty late already when I finished work. Or maybe I was just trying to drag my work longer because I know I didnt want to get back home. It was easier back then when we were just bf/gf. All I need to do is not answer the phone, stay inside my apartment and not let him in. This time, I can't even run away... I dont know where to stay. All my close friends are from other states... dang...

After gym, I found myself in Barnes & Noble. I buried myself with business & videography books. I indulge myself with coffee & chocolate cake while I finished scanning through the books I took from the shelves. I was enjoying it, actually. I didnt even notice I've been sitting there for like 3 hrs already. It's almost 10pm and I know I gotta go back home. I just have to face this as I know he's going to be there waiting for me.

As soon as I came back I saw him lying on the couch. I just ignored him and went straight to our bedroom. I went to the bathroom getting ready to bed. I can't wait to read the Money & Videography mags I got. When I came out of the bathroom, he's there on the bed. What the??!! I wanted to push him away so he'd fall from the bed... really!!

Then he started talking... he told me that he knew as soon as he got off from the phone that he was stupid to say that. He said he was sorry and that he's an idiot and that he screwed up. At the back of my mind I know that that's all I wanted to hear from him. That he's sorry and that he knew he went way beyond my limits.... we had a long talk that night. I'm glad we were able to sort things out.

Goodness, being married is definitely bringing your relationship into a level wherein both of you had to meet in the middle. I guess I matured in a way too. I would have handled things differently if we were just bf/gf. Retaliation is not an option if you're married. Compromise is the way to go. It's dang hard, but hey, who says married life means that you're always lying down on bed of roses?


Surfergirl said...

gosh this sounds SOO familiar! grabe i also react the same with mark. ive actually mellowed down already but before (sometimes until now), i always want to retaliate whenever he does something im not very happy about. and it happens with the most trivial of things! the most ridiculous, i think, was when i fumed like hell just because he didnt face me when we were in bed. and i got out of bed, got the pillows, comforter, blanket, everything--and went to sleep in the couch. and i got even more mad when he continued to sleep!
eventually settled this din hehe :P
we girls can be so emotional nga talaga :) ive learnt to be more in control with emotions and to meet halfway..give and take. marriage is a work in progress indeed.

bernskie said...

ahee, i thought it's just me. i'm not sure how come guys could be sooo insensitive at times. i think it's part of the "adjustment" stage of being married. it's funny you've mentioned about that instance where mark didnt face you while in bed... cuz john do that too! the first time he did it, i was mad at him as well, but instead of me sleeping on the couch, i ended up facing the other way too. heee. guys guys guys.. hahaha :o) turned out that when guys do those kinda stuff, it's not really bec of us or something's wrong with us. it's just that they think differently. oh well, hahaha... took sometime before i figured that out too. it helped us a lot when we were reading this book together: HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by Willard F. Harley Jr. I kinda understood his language better. When you get a chance, you should check it out and see if you could pick up some things in there. I learned a lot from it :o)
Take care girl! Hope things are well :o)


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